A Gem In C (remember C?)

I have no idea who wrote this, I’ve been carrying it around for at least 25 years and I truly love it. If you know the original source please let me know.

Hints: Reach char  with the ch as in cheese (a char is a character, 1 byte)

#include   "yourdreams"   /* for the future */

/*
 * find the important things in Life, the Universe, and Everything
 */

typedef short   some;      /* some things are short */
typedef some    very;      /* some things are very short */

#define A                  /* The first letter of the English Alphabet */
#define LINE   2           /* 2 points define a line */

#define TRUTH   BEAUTY      /* truth is beauty */
#define BEAUTY   10         /* and beauty is a 10 */

#define bad   char          /* burnt on both sides */
#define old   char          /* the great Chicago Fire */

#define   get   strlen      /* during your life, try to get some sterling */
#define youmake   float     /* you make it, I'll drink it */

#define      yourgoals   in terms you can understand


short   term;
double   yourpleasure();
double   yourfun;

long   Term, play(), agame;   /* everyone needs diversions */

old *joke = "Why did the chicken cross the road?\n\tTo get to the other side!\n\t\tWocka Wocka Wocka!\n";
   

tell(joke)
bad   *joke;      /* wait- you haven't heard it yet! */
{
   short laugh;   /* please */

   laugh = get(joke);
   write(1, joke, laugh);   /* write it down- don't say it */

}

   /* most folks like music */

long play(record)
long record;
{
   very pleasant = TRUTH;      /* if you like music */

   while (record == pleasant)
      play(record--);

   return( pleasant );      /* music soothes the savage */
}


double   yourpleasure(one, way)      /* this is necessary if */
some   one;            /* is watching ,or if you have a */
long   way;            /* to go  */
{
      /* this can change one while maintaining one's identity */
   one = one * one;
   return( one );      /* after all, it should have at least doubled */
}

hold(temper)         /* good advice */
A short temper;         /* is a dangerous thing */
{
   A long   time;      /* is what you need */
   very calm;      /* is how you should be */

   calm = temper, temper;

   while (calm--)
      wait(&time);

   return(calm);      /* if possible */
}


   /* now, on to the main thing */

main(thing, mustbe)      /* to balance work, play, and goals */
some thing, mustbe;      /* important, or we wouldn't be here */
{

   long   time();      /* know C */
   very   bored;      /* the result of too few goals */

   short   hours;      /* make */
   long   yourwork;   /* which makes for */
   short   tempers;   /* which can be improved by */
   long   laughing;


   /* first, set priorities */
   yourwork = 0;
   yourfun = 1.0e+38;

   if (yourpleasure( mustbe, yourwork ))
      yourfun = yourwork;
   else
      yourfun = play( agame );

   bored = yourfun - yourwork;     /* nothing to do? */
               /* reach out and touch someone! */

   switch ( bored ) {   /* connects all of this together */
   default:
      hours = hold(LINE); /* no way to avoid it, take a */
      break;
   }

      /* take a music break */
   while ( thing-- ) {   /* you make my heart sing */
      youmake everything;
      very groovy;
   }

      /* focus on what is important to you */
   while ( yourfun < 0 ) {
      yourpleasure( mustbe, agame);
      yourfun = play( agame );
   }

   tell(joke);

   exit( laughing );
}

The very best thing about this is that it compiles and runs.